IN

IN-LAWS

Hello, My question concerns a family matter that I can't figure out how to deal with.
My son and I live in the same neighborhood. When his wife's parents (who live an hour away) come over to visit them, my son (never my daughter in law) invites me over to visit with everyone. My son's wife's parents, and their daughter, insult and make fun of me. This has been going on for almost a year.
I'm from the "old school" and was taught to respect my elders so I don't say anything even though I feel hurt and disrespected.
And, I believe in the saying "say what you mean and mean what you say."
I'm told not to be so sensitive because it's just "teasing" and no one else in the family is bothered by it. The tone of their words is not kind, but hateful.
I can't change their behavior.
The next time I'm invited over to my son's house to visit with him and his wife's parents, how can I get out of it without causing a fight? Thank you.

Teasing is cruel and should not be tolerated. The next time, simply say "I would love to visit if everyone will be nice to me." If someone starts to say something unkind, speak right up "That comment was entirely inappropriate. I can't believe you just said that. Why do you think it is okay to talk to me that way? The next time you invite me to visit, and I decline, this will be why". Then leave.

My mother-in-law doesn't spend enough time with the grandkids. She is great with them, and they adore her, but she is always busy working. We have troubles even seeing her for a meal, and if there is a family gathering, she always leaves early. I don't know how to deal with a work-aholic, and it is really hurting my husband's feelings.

--Have a group picture taken of all the grandkids. Frame it along with this poem "A Hundred Years from Now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, the kind of car I drove . . . but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a Child." Hang this above her desk in her office, and be more insistent with the invitations.

My sister-in-law took my kids to lunch. When she brought them home, she popped the trunk, and all the kids, including mine, climbed out! I was ready to call the police. My husband went out and yelled at her, and she said she drives like that all the time, with the back seat folded down and her kids think it is "fun". My mom said it is no different from when we were kids and would ride in the back of the station wagon. What do you think?

-- I think you should have called the police while your husband was outside yelling at her. You could have said you were one of the neighbors who saw the whole thing.

Help! I am having major brother-in-law problems! He keeps looking down my shirt and asking me out on dates. He tells me it is okay for us to date and even to kiss on the mouth because he is my brother-in-law. I can tell he is mentally "off", because he is hyperactive and has the social skills of an over-sexed 8-year-old. When I complain to my husband, he says his brother is harmless and doesn't mean anything by it. I don't want to cause a scene, but what do I do?

Causing a scene is the only thing that will save you. If he behaves like he is 8, then treat him that way. Practice saying NO loud and clear. Practice yelling loudly "quit looking down my shirt", "don't touch me", "get away from me". The rest of the family may be jaded to his behavior, but that is no reason you should have to put up with it.

I will be a mother-in-law soon, and I DON'T want to be a monster-in-law. Do you have any advice on how to get along with my son's new wife?

Don't try to be her new best friend. Don't tell her all the details of your life and expect her to reciprocate. Be pleasant, be respectful, and try to get along on major holidays. Anything more than that is up to her. Try reading The Other Woman by Jane Green. Very interesting take on both sides.

Every time my mother-in-law calls me on the phone to talk, or goes to lunch with me, she starts talking about very inappropriate subjects that make me very uncomfortable. She is fine with groups of people, just not one-on-one. I feel like she knows no boundaries. When I try to tell my husband the weird things she talks about, he won't believe me and says I am making it up. My husband doesn't understand why I don't want to be best friends with his mom, he thinks she is the greatest. I just don't want to hear how she wipes after going to the bathroom, how she lost her virginity, or the details of why she got divorced. What do I do?

When she calls you for lunch, say you are busy. Instead, invite her for dinners with the family, outings with the kids, and maybe she won't notice that you aren't spending time with her alone. When she starts talking about something you don't want to hear, laugh real loud and make a joke of it saying "Too much information!" or "I don't want to know". Hopefully she will get the hint.