Parents

 I have been told that my 14 year old daughter can move out of home and move in with her boyfriends family.  Is this correct?

-- To live on your own without parental supervision is called emancipation.  The age of emancipation differs from state to state.  Go to this web site to look up the laws for your state.  If you have problems, let me know and I will help.

http://www.law.cornell.edu/topics/Table_Emancipation.htm

I have a 8 year old son and all he does is whine about everything. If something does not go his way, if he tries something and can't do it the first time. And especially when he is told to do something. I don't mean just fuss I mean he will start crying and whining over everything. We have tried several different things with him to include spending more time doing the things he wants, to taking his privileges away when he gets to far out of control. He is a very intelligent child he get a A's on each of his report card and he doesn't act like this at school or at his friends houses. My ex and  I have a very good relationship and we communicate on a daily basis not only does he act like that when he is with me but he acts like that when he is with his father. I don't understand it I have never seen a young boy act like he is 3 or 4 yrs old instead of 8.

-- When you say no, do you mean it?  Or do you let him get away with something 3 or 4 times before you actually enforce it?  I would suggest getting your son in counseling, and you and your ex taking a parenting course.  Good luck!

I recently had a little girl.  I decorated her room very simply and used fairies as the theme (I love them).  Now, my best friend is pregnant with a girl and she has decorated her nursery the same way.  Same bedding, sheets, toys, she has even registered for the same things.  What is the meaning of this?

-- Imitation is the best form of flattery. You did such a wonderful job of decorating your nursery, that she can't think of any nursery that would look better!  AND THAT IS OKAY!  Please don't let this ruin your friendship.  Look at it as a common bond. You can shop for more fairy decorations together!  Try www.moonbed.com  and click on Decorating Ideas.  There is a whole page on Fairy decorations.

I married my second husband 2 years ago, and he is the step father of my 3 children. We are arguing over my 17 year old boy.  His room is in the basement of our house.  My husband hates the fact that he burns incense in his room occasionally.  Should that be such a big deal?  Also, he hates that my son's friends come in and out the basement door, instead of coming in upstairs through the house--he wants to keep an eye on them?  What should I do??  My son is a 4.0 student, has a job, always obeys curfew, and is a great kid---I tell my husband to just leave it alone, but he is STUBBORN and wants it HIS WAY!

Okay, I have polled my readers, and this is the response.  Although he is an excellent 4.0 student, you are being too naive.  He should not be allowed to burn anything in his room, and you need to know who your son is spending time with.  It won't hurt him to have his friends walk in the front door and say hello first.  And I'm not saying this just because it will make your new husband happy, but because it is a good idea.

My son his wife and their 2 children 15 & 12 boys went camping over the weekend.  While they were gone the 15 year old boy friends came to the house got in stole my sons wife car and hit and ran another vehicle at a gas station.  They did other things in the house and they spent the night.   We are just finding out about some more of the details what should we do?

Call the police, and tell your son and his wife about all the details. I would advise the 15-year-old to make new friends.

We would like to know what the age of a child is when they can decide what parent they would like to live with?  And if the child has dealt with the children's aid previously are they still able to decide which parent they want to live with?  For example: the other parent has been involved with CAS now 3 years later the said child wants to live with this parent.

From what I found, the child can state his preference at age 9, but can't choose until age 14. http://www.duhaime.org/family/ca-divcu.aspx.  You should file for Change of Custody stating reasons why, including an affidavit from the child stating his preference.

Mothers who can't function in their own lives due to children who get sick or just stay in trouble. A mother is a human and should be  able to function and enjoy life even if their children can not. It is the hardest thing in the world to do. I would like to discuss and help in this matter.

You need counseling, and perhaps a support group for overwhelmed moms. Here
are a few that I found:  http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/system/ill/seriously_ill.html

What is a good age to let your daughter get her ears pierced?

When she is old enough to take care of her ears all by herself.  When she is old enough to get them pierced without crying.  I would suggest age 10 or 12.

Can you please help me?  I have been paying money to the csa for many years and have no problem with this.  I have a great relationship with my kids.  I would like to know if the csa can collect outside of  the UK?  This includes the Channel Islands.  I could be moving from the UK and I suspect the mother of my children will not co-operate when I pay for flights for them to come and stay with me.  If this is the case then I will stop paying csa....like I said I have paid it  for many years without complaint but I refuse to give her another  penny if she will not co-operate.  Do not be under the impression my children will suffer financially they will not.  Thank you very much.

Yes, they can collect child support outside the country. Child support is not an admission fee for the enjoyment of the kids.  These children exist and have wants and needs that child support pays for, whether or not you see them. There should be no reason for her not to fly the kids out to see you, unless she is afraid you won't return them. You need to get a Court Order specifying when they will fly out to visit you, so everything is in writing.  http://www.csa.gov.uk/welshold/advisors/scot/chapter09.asp

I have a friend who runs a babysitting business.  She told me she puts blindfolds on all the kids at nap time, so they will go to sleep.  Is that considered child abuse?

I don't know, but I don't think it is safe.  Do the parents of the children know she is doing this?  I would tell them.

I have a friend who has wonderful children, and is considered by many to be an excellent parent.  She told me in confidence that she gives her kids Benedryl allergy medicine at naptime so they sleep.  I'm afraid to call the authorities because she will know it is me that called.  What do I do?

You have to ask yourself what is worse, losing a friend, or having one of your friend's children die.  You decide.  Does her husband know she does this?

I have a babysitter who won't stop eating all my food.  My friends tell me to hide the food, but where would I put it?  I'm not talking about just a box a cookies.  A box of chicken nuggets that would last us a week, she eats all of them for a snack.  If I have only 2 eggs left and I am saving them to make cookies, they will be gone and I have to go to the store.  The next day I will go to make cheese & crackers, and she hasn't wrapped the cheese up and the whole brick is as hard as a rock, and I have to throw it away.  I have tried explaining to her that I don't have much money and she can't eat all my groceries, but obviously she is a compulsive eater.  She is a little chubby, I wonder if her parents have her on a diet at home.

You must be really desperate for a baby sitter to keep using this girl.  Buy snacks just for the sitter, and tell her that is all she can eat.  When you get home, check the fridge, the freezer and the cupboards.  If she has eaten anything else, don't pay her.

I am a father with 3 teenage daughters, and I think maybe I should talk to them about birth control, and have them go on the pill.  How do I brooch this subject?

You don't need to talk to them about birth control, you need to talk to them about AIDS.  Getting pregnant will not kill them, AIDS will.  Some teenage girls engage in oral sex, to save their virginity for marriage.  They need to learn that condoms are necessary all the time.  It can save their life!

I hired a 15-year-old teenager to baby sit my children while I went away overnight to a wedding.  I told the babysitter to call me if she needed anything.  I called at around 8:00 p.m. to tell the kids good night, and the sitter said everything was going fine.  The next day I returned home, paid the sitter, and took her home.  I quickly received a phone call from the baby sitter's mom, yelling at me and telling me how horrible I was that her daughter had to sleep on the couch with no pillow or blanket.  I said she could have slept in my bed,  I had put clean sheets on it.  Or she could have gotten clean sheets and pillows out of the linen closet, and folded the couch out into a bed.  She could have called me with any questions, or even asked my kids.  The mother insisted it was all my fault, that I should have left better directions.  I said that at age 15, her daughter should be better at thinking and figuring things out for herself, and it wasn't fair to blame this on me.  Is it my fault that I have lost a babysitter?

It is not your fault.  You are right, and any 15-year-old who can't find a closet, put sheets on a bed, or fold out a couch, or dial a phone,  isn't bright enough or independent enough to be babysitting anyway. 

When I got home late at night and took the babysitter home, there was evidence that a guy had been in the house while I was gone.  There were men's gloves on the table, and a wet spot on my bed.  Obviously I don't want her babysitting again.  Do I tell her parents?

--Yes.  The mother of any teenager has the right to know.

Ok, so I called the parents and told them.  They called Social Services and had her put in Foster Care by the end of the day.  Now I feel terrible!  Thanks a lot.

--You had no way of knowing they were going to over-react like that.  Maybe there were many ongoing behavior issues with her, and this was the last straw.  I still think you did the right thing.  You have protected her from teen pregnancy and AIDS.