WEDDING

I am getting married in a couple months and we are arguing about the wedding invitations. My fiancé wants his parents listed as "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" even though they have been divorced for 9 years. I told him he can't do that, and each of his parents are bringing a date. He is very distraught and crying over this and says he should be able to do what he wants, because it is his wedding and it will make him happy. I told him my father is dead, and I don't get to pretend he is alive just because it is my wedding. My mom is divorced and she doesn't get to pretend she is married just because it is my wedding. He keeps lying and saying he talked to his parents and they said it is okay with them, but I talked to his father and he says it is NOT okay. What do I do?

You need to go to counseling together. You need to ask yourself if you really want to get married to someone who doesn't have a firm grip on reality. Maybe you should postpone the wedding for a while.

My fiancé wants a knight and shining armor and a damsel on top of our wedding cake. I have searched everywhere and can't find one. Is there anyplace that sells unusual wedding cake toppers?

I found that http://www.glasscaketops.com/ has the best selection. The cheapest is about $175. But there are some game sets such as chess. http://www.ytcsummit.com/category.asp?ksid=359410841&tab=Games&section=giftwares Then you would have the whole chess set to use afterwards!

Is the bride under any obligation to ask her guests who they would like to sit with? My husband and I attended a wedding. Many of our college friends were there, whom we hadn't seen for a year or more. We were seated across the room, with my Mother-in-law, whom I see every week. I was very upset and wanted to move, but I didn't want to cause a scene.

I can understand why you were upset, but the bride probably just put you there so your mother-in-law wouldn't be sitting with strangers.

Our daughter recently got married at a courthouse. No ceremony, friends or family. (We found out 6 months later by accident) She did this for financial reasons. She has now expressed an interest in a church wedding next year and has asked if we will help pay for the wedding. Since she is already married, should we provide any financial support for the wedding?

--Can you afford to give her a big wedding? I think the money would be better spent as a down payment on a house, than on a party that lasts one day.

I, like all women, have always dreamed of that fairy tale wedding, well that is not what I am getting. We have limited funds and have been making arrangements for the past 6 months now everything (almost) is done and I have 2 weeks till the "DAY". Last week we found out that my uncle has cancer, stage 4. . . He's terminal. We cannot save him only prolong the inevitable. MY query? There are some in my family that believe that if he does make till the wedding he probably won't be able to attend because he is going downhill SO QUICKLY. They also think that it is very possible that something could happen the day of , if not then within a couple of days. I cannot stand the thought of knowing that I would be trying have a wedding in the midst of mourning also I could not stand the thought of putting it off because he "might" die. I think it would hurt his feelings for us to go ahead mourn his death before it is time. I would be able to get most of the money back if I give them a weeks advance notice, I have 4 days to decide.

Go ahead with the wedding. Don't let his cancer affect your plans. If it makes you feel better, have a long talk with your uncle. It will help you see that he wants you to have a happy wedding, with or without him.

I have a friend who is getting married soon and I don't feel like she or her fiancé are ready. They have been living together for 9 years. They don't seem to have much in common. He is very selfish and immature and has to have everything this way. When she plans a dinner party, she has to cook his meal separately, because he won't try anything new. When a group of us go to the movies, he has to get his way or he won't go. They have no money saved up for a house, and they are going into debt planning this huge lavish wedding.

Show me a guy who waits 8 years to propose, and I'll show you a guy who is hoping someone better comes along. Sounds like they are planning a one-day wedding, not a marriage for a life time. Try giving them some books and on-line tests to see if they are ready and compatible for marriage. Here is a helpful web link: http://www.aamft.org/families/Consumer_Updates/Marriage_Preparation.asp

Making Marriage Work for Dummies

I was asked to be in a friend's wedding. He invited us over for dinner to meet his fiancé. She was appalling. All she talked about was money, and the price of everything, including her car. Then she trashed his family, then her family. At one point he tried to hug her, and she cringed. Why is her marrying her? How do I tell him he shouldn't?

You could gently ask him what qualities he admires most about her. Talk about the seriousness of a life commitment.

I was asked to be in a friend's wedding. He's not a close friend, just a former co-worker, I'm actually surprised that he asked me. After I said yes, his fiancé said my wife and I can't sit together, because I will be at the "traditional" head table. I am so disappointed. We love going to weddings together. They are very romantic, they remind us of our wedding, and we love to dance together. My wife says I should ask to be a guest instead of a groomsman, but I think we have to decline the invitation altogether. What do you think?

Well, if he were a close friend, I would try discussing it with him and see how it goes. If he isn't a close enough friend to have that conversation, why are you in the wedding? Sounds like you might have to decline the invitation altogether.

I have a wedding question. Is there a rule or guideline for how much money I should spend on my wedding? I know the rule is 2 months salary for a wedding ring, but that is more than anyone I know has paid. My parents made it clear that they saved for my college education, so it is up to me to pay for my wedding.

--Well, you should have 2 months salary in a savings account at all times, in case of emergencies (sickness, job layoffs). And you need almost $5,000 more to buy a house. So you can spend as much as you want, as long as you have $5,000 plus two months salary left over.

--I don't know how limited your budget is, but we did our entire wedding for 100 guests for under $2,000, including dress and honeymoon. Now with e-bay, you could probably do it for cheaper.

What is a successful wedding? Where everybody has fun, plenty to eat, and music to dance to. We had several friends who spent $10,000, $15,000 and more on their weddings. They all said ours was the most fun. And we were the only ones to close on a house the month after the wedding because we didn't over-spend.

1. SPENDING: Every time you see something for the wedding repeat to yourself "IT IS A PARTY THAT LASTS ONE DAY".

-- Every time you see something for the wedding ask yourself "I LIKE, I WANT IT, BUT DO I NEED IT?"

3. DRESS: Most of the Salvation Army and Rescue Mission Thrifty Shoppers have several beautiful wedding dresses for $100 or less. My friends Crystal and Judy each bought dresses for $50. There are also some consignment shops with used dresses. Also check around for sales and off-the-rack dresses. I bought mine for $300 off-the-rack, and turned around and sold it for the same amount after the wedding. If you want something simple, I have seen some beautiful white prom and homecoming dresses. If you wore them with a veil, no one would know the difference. Also check e-bay.

4. BRIDESMAID DRESSES: I don't think forcing your best friend to spend $150 on a dress she will never wear again is a nice thing to do. Forget buying them at a bridal shop. They are ugly. I walked into some store at the mall like Penney's or something and bought 5 dresses for $40 each. I now regret having so many attendants in my wedding party. I wish I had just asked my sister.

5. VEIL: I made my own veil for only $15, which was very easy to do. Michaels craft store has everything you need. Go all out. This is the one time in your life it is acceptable to wear a tiara or crown. Go for it! Make sure you use their 40% off coupons.

6. FAVORS: Forget the favors. I have never received one I liked. I have seen people spend hours making favors, and everyone leaves them on the table at the end of the night.

-- Same goes for individual bottles of wine with wedding labels. Costs money, and no one cares.

8. Limousine--costs too much, not worth it.

9. If you are having a summer wedding, make sure the church and hall are air conditioned.

10. CHURCH DECORATIONS: I didn't buy flowers for the church. I didn't decorate the church AT ALL! AND NO ONE NOTICED!! Everybody is watching the bride and the wedding party, not the church.

RECEPTION DECORATIONS: For the hall, I made giant tissue-paper flowers in pink and white, and pink and white streamers. It looked just beautiful, and the bride for the next week's wedding asked if she could use them too. Balloons can look very nice too.

11. RECEPTION: We had a wedding reception at the VFW Hall (Veterans) hall for only $15 a plate. The food was delicious, and there was plenty to eat. Check out the different VFWs or American Legions in town.

12. FOOD: Have a buffet dinner. People can pick exactly what they want, in the amount they want. Sit down dinners are always disappointing.

13. DRINKS: Church reception halls are very cheap, but they won't let you serve alcohol. Make sure you have cash bar so people won't drink too much.

14. SEATING: We seated the wedding party with their dates/spouses at the head tables. They all expressed their gratitude.

15. MUSIC: Music--put together your own music on an IPOD. Buying an IPOD is cheaper than hiring a DJ, and you get to keep it afterwards.

16. HONEYMOON: We got an awesome 4 star hotel last year for $50 a night by bidding on Orbitz, Travelocity, or one of those. My friend Liz got a time share from E-bay.

17. GIFTS: We got more back in gifts than we spent on the wedding. You will be shocked at how many people give you cash. Keep track of the cards yourself, and deposit the checks that night.

18. PHOTOGRAPHER: Hire a real photographer and a real videographer for the wedding and reception. I so wish we had a video of the reception.

19. PRE-NUPTIAL DINNER: Having everyone get dressed up for a formal dinner is very stressful. We had a picnic with KFC and it was very relaxed. Friends of ours had an ice cream social, which was a big hit.

BEST MAN: Your job is to get the groom to the wedding, on time, and sober. It's a good idea to spend the night with him the night before, and stick with him until the ceremony.

MAID OF HONOR: You are the bride's best friend, not her wedding planner. You should be supportive, not drained of cash. You already have spent money on an expensive dress, you only need to give the bride and groom one wedding gift and one shower gift. Do not feel obligated to spend more than you have. Practice smiling big and saying, "No, I'm sorry, but I can't afford that, I'm sorry, I don't have time for that." Stick to it.

SHOWER: One friend complained that not many people had RSVP to her bridal shower. I told her I had never attended one, because I could only afford one gift. She said she wanted me to come to the shower anyway. That is a true friend.

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